I love her sme so much 👶 baby fever

Portrait Fourth Of July Portraits

Photo 1 old sacramento trip 03/18/16

#flowergarden

Outdoor portraits

Markie and TA student for photo 1
#tuesdays

MY TRIP TO SANTA CRUZ

A Day in the Life of Cicilia

                                     “A Day in the Life of Cicilia”

Have you ever thought about taking a step in someone else’s shoes? Well, a day in my shoes is rough. Me myself do have a lot going on in my own mind and wish to let all of it go.  I’ve watched many and seen many, I am a wonderful person but I have a lot of doubt in myself only because of my experience in this world. It’s a big rollercoaster, even with having a girlfriend, even worse that me and her are 1,944 miles away, its not the easiest or the best thing or choice to make but as myself I have a big heart and always want to try something new. As a kid my parents were only 17 and 18 when my older sister and me were born, the lifestyle wasn’t the best we was hopping in and out of different hotel rooms and sleeping in cars. Not the best RIGHT! Having to depend on my grandma Linda and grandpa Mark was hard but she was the mom didn’t have. Throughout those years my little sister was born in 2000 and then came my little brother in 2003.

In 2006 the worst that could ever happen did my grandpa was fighting Lung Cancer and came October my grandma past away in her bed at home while we was all at school, it sucked losing my grandma because I saw the difference in my grandpa and my parents we all fell apart as a family and was struggling hard. My Dad always hid his pain and it crushed my older sister so badly, she became super and more depressed being so young I saw the difference in her face and mood everyday since then its always been hard for. Me as a person was closer to my grandpa Mark.

As I became a freshman at Arthur A. Benjamin health professions high school I saw the change in myself in all ways because my grandpa he’s my hero and I’ve always depended on him when needing something. That year my grandpa started to feel so much pain in his stomach he would moan and grown and scream at night when trying to get up it got worse and worse and he never wanted to go to the hospital and eventually he needed to go. When we got to the hospital they had to admit him in and he needed surgery right away because he had 25 huge kidney stones in his gallbladder. I understand the pain when using the restroom he passed the stones for a longtime till we finally knew what was wrong. After they released him he was then diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer. It wrecked me so badly I became suicidal and drove myself into deep depression. He was in the hospital for 2 months after having his 2^nd surgery with removing his colon and adding a colostomy bag.  His cancer lasted 4 long years! After my 16^th birthday passed June 1, 2014 his body started to shut down more and more and I watched everything from 1 day of cancer treatment to the last breathe in his room. I couldn’t take to look at him. I watched him take his last breath; worst I’ve ever had in my life. He passed away September 22, 2014 at Age 56.

 Having to move on from this I CANT. There so many times I say I CANT because I feel like I’m lost and can’t keep going. Suffering through depression, No sleep at nighttime, crying myself to sleep, looking out my window at 11 p.m. at night time everyday at the stars wishing I could just see you 1 more time and say GOODBYE. Your last words to me was ILOVE YOU <3.

Point Reyes Light House

#Myskills

#Sideview #ForesthillBridge #life #📷⛅Dream #1Day